She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
