There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
