What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
