I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize