i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
