question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
