So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
