It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
