everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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