She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
