My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
