Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
