This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
