I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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