Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
