Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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