so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
