this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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