Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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