so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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