I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
