all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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