i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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