we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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