You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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