He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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