I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
