from now on my penis is your penis
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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