i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
