Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
