Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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