at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
worst night to have a conscience
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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