Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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