two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
