How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
