You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
