Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
