If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
