theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
