All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need moral support for this bender
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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