all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
