The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
