he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
