I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I believe in your delicious
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
