3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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