i think my tv is drunk
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
