it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The beer is more important than you right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
