Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
