If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
