Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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