so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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