STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
