Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
