Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
