I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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