It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
