Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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