I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
