if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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