im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
