just come out here and I will go home with you...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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