And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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