Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
