Do you still have your period?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Holy shit dude........stairs
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