He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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