Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
