I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
