it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
