Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
