one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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