First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
