Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize