if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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