your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
