I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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