Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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