One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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