I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
